TWBITW Returns!

Update from TWBITW

Howdy, blogoverse!
How have y’sall been doing? I know, I know, I’ve pretty much abandoned you since…almost a month ago, making me TWBITW (The Worst Blogger In The World) (SORRY!); however, before I get into the meat and potatoes of this post, I wanted to take a couple minutes to share some metrics for the month and (once again! You guys are the best, I absolutely love my readers and the community this blog has opened up to me!) extend the biggest THANK YOU that I possibly can via the internet. Each and every last one of you hasd contributed to a successful blog – in fact, more successful than I ever imagined that it could be!

As of right now (3:31 PM pst; Wednesday, February 5th, 2014), we’re at:
-15,638 Unique visitors from 40+ countries (and steadily counting)
-31 unique visitors today alone
-318 comments
-85 blog subscribers (those of you who get an email every time I post)
-15 Tumblr. subscribers
-37 Facebook followers
-2 Twitter followers

HOLY LIVING SHIT YOU GUYS. I LEAVE FOR A MONTH (almost) AND THE METRICS STAY THIS GREAT? I have no words. I really don’t. The best I can say is “THANKS!,” and I hope you know that I mean if from the bottom of my wee black heart.

Anywhore, it’s been a busy busy BUSY month, and I have a shitpile to tell y’all, so let’s get started shall we?

When I last wrote to you, I’d just started the new job. Well, a month in and I still absolutely LOVE it. In fact, I’ve gotten a micropromotion – added Social Media Manager to my title, and as a super awesome added bonus perk, I now get paid to BLOG! Seriously! I’m not going to link you to it here in the name of maintaining a modicum of anonymity; however, it gives me the opportunity to write (A LOT!!) about finance (yay!), being a millennial in the workplace (yay!) and inject some personailty into my job’s online presence. Overall, I’d say that it’s a major fucking WIN, especially since I’m salaried anjd therefore protected from some of the nonsense that comes along with freelancing. Not quite an author per se, but writing my wee heart out nonetheless. It feels right, and it’s doing wonders for our SEO, so I must be doing something right, hey? Haha, I kid – I KNOW this is the right thing, the right place, the right time. Professional life is on point.

You won’t know this by the time that I publish this post, but right now, I’m actually not at work – I’m awaiting Brother Vega to come meet me and guide me through some Facebook/Twitter issues I’m now having to deal with on the comnpany’s behalf (natch, thre dream job comes with some expected headaches); and I gotta say, it’s damned nice being able to cut out of the office to come do some work at a coffee shop with my not-blood-brother, who is hilarious and awesome and can hopefully help me break the Internet. Perks of desk jobs #332: remote work, and coffee shop meetings that let me effectively leave my job two hours earlier than usual. Big girl job = way the fuck better than barista. I’m just not cut out for retail after all these years – I crave stability, challenge, and the opportunity ton advance these days more than I do easy money from gracious tips.

So that’s work. Tl;dr – work is great, got a promotion a week in, get paid to write for the majority of my day now. Win.

Moving onwards, I suppose the next highlight from the past month was attending an industry conference with Vega in Anaheim at the end of January (perks of desk jobs #339: the ability to take a weeek off because of the magic that is working remote), and it was seriously just awesome. Out of respect for Vega’s privacy, I won’t say too much about what conference I attended (it’s the biggest trade show in his industry, and I met Kerry King, and was two feet from Stevie Wonder. Twice. That’s all ya get!); however, I will say that it was absolutely wonderful to see my man in action, to spend some quality time with him on a short little vacay, and (of course) to walk around Cali for a couple days – one of my favorite places to go, and made much better by being there with my love! And yes, before the questions roll in, this was bthe same conference he was at last year when we’d only technically met once and before he’d come to visit me in the 506.

That’s the vacay, Tl;dr – went to Cali with my beau for just under a week, rubbed shoulders with some musical bigwigs, saw my man in action as a sexy businessman, relaxed a bunch. Win.

Otherwhore, not a bunch of outwardly thrilling stuff. Got my taxes done (2009-2012…DON’T BE LIKE ME KIDS. DON’T DO IT), which ended up netting me an additional 1000$+ that I hadn’t been anticipating. It’d be cool if the CRA would be snappy about processing those…but until they do, I’ll just keep checking the mailbox compulsively and praying that the Tax Accountant Gods are kind and quick! I also got myself a credit card (after having royally fucked my credit up at 19…it’s been a long road with a lot of learning curves thrown in for good measure), which should be in my hands by the end of the week! YAY! PULLING MYSELF TOGETHER FEELS SO GOOD. I got the man of my dreams, I live in the city of my dreams, I have the job of my dreams…my turn to put myself into the financial situation of my dreams, and I’m making great headway! It’s so so so exciting to be taking real consideration towards my future, what I want to achieve, and not only reaching my goals, but blowing them out of the fucking water on the whole. Also exciting is the prospect of getting all my stuff (a lot of stuff, cds, posters, clothes, etc) back from my parents ASAFP. I’m still awaiting a final date from the shipping company (ughhh), but the long and short of it is, that once I have my stuff back 100% of my loose ends are OFFICIALLY TIED UP, BEEYOTCH! Hell to the yes. Tl;dr – getting my finances in order and it feels so go-oo-oo-oo-d.

(For the record, it’s 10:14pm now. Vega is at hockey, and TWBITW is finbally finishing this entry!) Yeah. So I had my meeting with Brother Vega, which was good! I was sitting at the wrong coffee shop (derp), but when we found each other he helped me conclude that I’m somewhat fucked but also somewhat okay. So there’s that. After we finished up, I caught the bus home and was thoroughly entertained by the  meth head and the crack head who couldn’t quiiiiite communicate. Vega and I had some quality time together, then dinner, then he left for hockey. I have so far picked my outfit for work tomorrow, chatted with some friends, and taken a shower. Now, I’m listening to 90s hip hop and enjoying the heater!

Tomorrow, I’m hoping to FINALLY get back in the gym after last week’s unexpected cold from hell (oh yeah, I was sick last week and worked from home two days out of five – perks of having a desk job #235: remote work. Aww yeah.)) – Vega and I signed up for a gym membership in December, and I’ve been going hard with him with the weights. According to him, my ass looks better already – and my jeans are certainly fitting nicer again. It’s exciting doing this weightlifting stuff – I am eating ALL THE THINGS and still losing weight. Lift heavy things, put them down. Repeat. Go home. EAT ALL THE THINGS. Sleep. DOMS. Repeat ad infinitum. I can’t wait to be stronger – it feels nice feeling my body catch up to my mental strength. If that made no sense, blame “good advice” (hahaha, I think you’re the only one whoi’ll get that one, Vega).

Anyways, I think I’m gonna call this a post and go make a smoothie. Oh, munchies. Why do you always want ice cream?

For now,

TWBITW (Wallace), out.

PS: We’re up to 15,662 unique views as of 10:31pm. ❤

Mia’s Perfect Every Time Pork Rib Roast + Parsnip Gravy

Hello readers, happy hump day to you all!

I had an influx of requests for more detailed instructions on how to cook the perfect pork roast, so I took the opportunity yesterday whilst cooking one to take a pile of pictures for a step-by-step breakdown of how I whip this up. It’s easy (I promise) and makes a pretty awesome meal when served alongside veggies. A few easy tweaks, and it’s also W30 approved!

When you’re looking for the perfect roast at the grocery store/butcher, go for something with a nice amount of fat. Rib roasts are awesome as they tend to fit the bill and they stay super tender through the roasting process.

This guy won our hearts. Good amount of fat, and a nice thick cut.

First step is to prep the veggies. I used 2 large parsnips (peeled and coarsely chopped), 1/2 each of a large yellow onion and a large white onion (peeled and sliced), and 1 head of garlic (peeled and minced). Also, preheat the oven to 350 degrees.

Other things that are tasty additions to a pork roast: carrots, tomatoes, green onions, celeriac…

Next step is to create a braising liquid blend. Yesterday’s was balsamic vinegar, Dijon mustard, liquid smoke, Sambal paste (omit if W30), curry leaves, fish sauce (make sure compliant if W30), and some soya sauce (sub in coconut aminos if W30). Whisk with a fork and set aside. I also added 1.5 cups of Vega’s homemade mead (omit if W30 and sub in bone broth or water)–you want about 2.5 cups of liquid for this adventure.

 

Next step is to heat 1 TBSP of EVOO (or coconut oil, or ghee. I like the taste EVOO imparts to the meat) in the pot you’ll be using to roast the piggy in. When it’s nice and hot, sear the pork on each side until browned (about 2 min/side). When that’s done, remove the pork and let rest.

Now, add another TBSP of EVOO to the same pot (over med-low heat) and add the onions. Let those simmer away and cook down until translucent. Add the garlic (and a TBSP of Sambal for some extra kick), and continue to cook over low heat.

While the onions are cooking, give the roast a nice rubdown with some garlic powder, salt, pepper, onion powder, and oregano.

Then, add the parsnips to the onion mix, give ’em a nice stir, add the liquid, and then return the pork to its tasty hot tub of yummy potential.

Bring this to a boil over high heat, then cover and pop into the hot oven for an hour while you browse the internet and enjoy the delicious smells soon to be wafting through the house.

After an hour goes by, uncover the roast. Continue to cook uncovered for an hour, basting every fifteen minutes.

When the cooking time is up, place the roast onto a cutting board and cover with tinfoil. It’s important to let the meat rest for about 10-15 minutes before you cut into it to trap those tasty meat juices in there.

I took the liberty of snapping a picture before I covered this beauty 🙂

In the meantime, prepare the parsnip gravy by scooping the parsnips and onions into your blender and whirling around until smooth. Add 3 TBSP of coconut milk, whirl to mix.

Return to the pot you cooked the roast in, and mix well with the yummy brown bits on the bottom of the pot. Simmer over low heat for 5-8 minutes to thicken.

While that’s thickening and getting tastier, slice the roast…

…then serve with your choice of side dish (I opted for sautéed cabbage and broccoli) and some parsnip gravy.

OMNOMNOMATHON!!!

Go forth and roast pork 🙂

 

Wallace, out.

 

 

Sunday SWYPO: Vega and Wallace’s Chocolate-Bacon-Almond Bars Of Awesome

Hello Blogosphere!

Truth. Keep this in mind as you read the remainder of this post.

Normally I save up my rest day in a week for Sunday. This week, I had two (GASP) rest days (and need to rock a workout this evening or I’m going to beat myself up) – and yesterday was spent in the kitchen with my lovely love and a fresh batch of groceries. Let’s just say that we were inspired, and as such, got creative. And CHOCOLATE was the modus operandi. Chocolate that was somehow melded with protein. Chocolate that was totally SWYPO but totally better than any store-bought bar could ever be.

Thus, chocolate didn’t question being married to bacon.

And thus, Chocolate Bacon Almond Bars of Awesome were born, and the skies parted, and the angels sang (well, not really, but these are pretty much the cat’s ass). These are NOT Whole30 approved, and the addition of cereal grains makes them NOT Whole9 approved either; however, if you sub out the grains and subbed in…hmm coconut and dried cherries and cranberries, and some chopped macadamia nuts, walnuts and pecans, they totally could be. Or you could cheat, and have an amazing off-roading experience. Also, make sure your bacon is compliant for the W9 variant. We were okay with off-roading there, but then again, I accept that sometimes a girl just needs something amazing and totally off-plan. Like sex (with your pants on, in the back of the proverbial off-roading truck), or candy, or the combination of the two…Without further ado:

What you’ll need to make about 20 bars (1 tray) of epic treat-filled yums:
-225 grams raw almonds, unsalted
-225 grams semisweet chocolate, finely chopped (we used Baker’s squares; and next time, I’d consider going unsweetened–but I like really bitter choccy. Use your discretion!)
-4 slices of compliant, thick sliced bacon
-1/2 can coconut milk (full fat, natch)
-1/4 cup quinoa, uncooked
-1/4 cup sushi rice, uncooked (note: we only had sushi rice available, I’m sure basmati would work too)
-1/2 cup oats
-1 tbsp. oil (for greasing pan; coconut would be prime-o, but we only had canola on hand. Again–this is a treat, so don’t send the troops after me!)

And what you’ll need to do is:
1. Combine almonds and coconut milk in blender, pulse on high until smooth. Set aside
2. Cook bacon over low heat until super duper crispy. Set aside, and when cool, crumble into little bits. MAKE SURE to save the bacon grease!!!
3. In a hot skillet, pop the quinoa by dropping 2-3 TBSP at a time into the pan, and removing from heat as soon as the popping noises stop. Repeat with remaining quinoa, and set aside
4. Repeat step 3 with the (sushi) rice, set aside with quinoa
5. Lightly toast the oats, set aside with rice and quinoa
6. Grease a shallow dish with oil
7. Over a double boiler (we used a big ol`metal bowl overtop a pot of boiling water), reheat the bacon grease, and add the chocolate, stirring consistently until melted
8. Add the almond mixture, stirring consistently, and when that is well incorporated, add the quinoa/rice/oats and bacon. Stir really well to incorporate everything (and try not to eat it out of the bowl at this point)
9. Pour mixture into greased dish, and smooth out into a nice even layer with a spoon (lick the spoon when this step is done)
10. Refrigerate until set (about 2 hours, or as long as you can wait), then slice into bars/squares
11. ENJOY, because these seriously make EatMore Bars (used to be my favorite. Note use of past tense) seem useless. Peanuts? Pfft. Bacon wins that debate any day.

Pan of amazing tasty bacon-y chocolate-y treat-y NOMS. Ohmygaad.

Serious friggin noms. In fact, I think I’m going to have a piece after my workout.

Wallace, out.

Sauteed Kale and Spinach–Possibly The Tastiest Side Dish EVER.

Helloooo omnomnomivores 🙂

I’ve had numerous requests for this recipe, and I can totally understand why–it’s freakin’ delicious. I stole this one from Mother Wallace, and every time I make it, I’m filled with warm fuzzy memories of cooking with her as a kid. Simple, delicious, and packed with superfood goodness, this one is a mainstay in my diet, and is totally Paleo, Whole9 and Whole30 approved.

What you’ll need to make a meal-sized serving for 1 hungry omnomnomivore (or 2 side-dish servings for 2 hungry omnomnomivores):
-1 bunch of kale (I like to use 1/2 bunch of broad-leaf green and 1/2 bunch of curly purple), chopped
-1 bag of baby spinach
-8 large cloves of garlic, finely minced
-1/2 of a red onion, finely chopped
-3 tablespoons of extra virgin olive oil
-salt and pepper, to taste
-1 large skillet

And all you have to do is:
1. Heat 2 TBSP of the EVOO in the skillet over medium heat, add garlic, and when the smell of garlic starts to fill your kitchen, add the onion
2. Lightly salt the onion and garlic mixture, lower the heat to med-low, and let the onions cook until translucent while you chop the kale
3. Add kale and a few teaspoons of water, turn heat back up to medium, and give the mix a good stir. Pop the lid on the skillet and let the kale cook down slightly
4. When the kale has shrunk a bit, add the spinach, and another teaspoon or so of water. Mix well, re-cover, and allow to cook for 5-8 minutes, or until the greens have shrunk considerably
5. Uncover, and add the remaining TBSP of EVOO. Turn the heat up to med-high, and stir consistently for 3-4 minutes, or until the veg is cooked to your liking
6. Salt and pepper to taste

OMNOMNOMATHON

Kale = Superfood. Spinach = Superfood. Garlic = Superfood. Onions = Delicious. This dish? WIN. So much green, garlicky goodness 🙂

Go forth and make greens!

Wallace, out.

A Few Variations on Basa Filets (Somethin’ Fishy Goin’ On)

I got some awesome feedback on the lemon-pepper haddock recipe I posted earlier (thank you!), and thought I’d serve up three easy variations on basa filets that I’ve come to quite enjoy as of late.
Basa is a flaky white fish, and Safeway/Sobey’s/Superstore/Costco all sell big bags (usually 6 large filets) of frozen, sustainably fished basa, and it tends to go on sale a lot. When I see it there, I usually pick up 2 bags to have in the freezer for quick dinners–extra bonus is that these cook up exceptionally well from frozen (if you’re thawing first, cut cook times down by about half and you should be fine!) and also take minimal work to prepare. I have three variations for ya, we’ll start with

1. Chili Basa (I served this one with a red-leaf lettuce salad drizzled with EVOO and balsamic vinegar, and sauteed yams and parsnips)

Not for the faint of heart–the habanero sauce and the chili flakes definitely pack a punch here! Not to worry though, the sweetness of the yams/parsnips and the freshness of the salad make this a perfect compliment!

All you have to do here is:
1. Preheat oven to 425°
2. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil
3. arrange basa filets on baking sheet, drizzle with paleo-approved cooking oil of choice (I used expeller pressed coconut oil, no need to heat it up really, just a dollop and spread it around)
4. Drizzle with habanero hot sauce to your liking (I like Tabasco Habanero–killer heat, super tasty)
5. Sprinkle with garlic powder, salt, pepper, and dehydrated chili flakes (I use lots, it makes a crust!)
6. Pop into hot oven, uncovered, for 16-20 minutes, or until golden on top
7. Flip filets and season with habanero sauce, garlic powder, salt, pepper and chili flakes
8. Return to oven for 8-10 minutes, or until fish is golden and flakes easily with a fork
9. Serve with red leaf lettuce (I dress mine with EVOO, balsamic, red onion, and a TBSP of raw, hulled, unsalted sunflower seeds) and pan sauteed parnsips and yams
10. OMNOMNOMATHON

2. Garlic & Parsley Crusted Basa on Mixed Greens

Buttery, garlic-y, refreshing deliciousness–perfect for dinner on a hot day!

(ahem..pardon the pack of smokes top left. I am quitting soon, I swear–in fact, that’s the goal on my next W30, but that isn’t the point here and I digress)

All you have to do here is:
1. Preheat oven to 425°
2. Mince up 8-10 cloves of garlic (or more, I like me some garlic and have been known to use a whole head..)
3. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil
4. Arrange basa filets on baking sheet
5. Brush filets with ghee
6. Top with a hearty amount of garlic, and parsley to your taste
7. Bake uncovered for 18-20 minutes, or until lightly browned
8. Flip filets and repeat steps 5 and 6
9. Return to oven uncovered for 8-10 minutes, or until fish is lightly browned and flakes easily with a fork
10. Serve on top of mixed greens (I like a salad of romaine, bell peppers, tomatoes, cucumbers, a TBSP of sunflower seeds and EVOO/balsamic drizzle
11. OMNOMNOMATHON!

3. Lemon, Cilantro and Chili Basa (I serve this one with mixed greens and sauteed butternut squash and carrots…yeah yeah I like my veggies, so sue me)

So easy, so tasty, and so damned good for ya!

All you have to do here is:
1. Preheat oven to 425°
2. Line a baking sheet with aluminum foil
3. Arrange basa filets on baking sheet
4. Blend 1/2 bunch of fresh cilantro with 1/2 of a juiced lemon, salt, pepper, and 1 TBSP coconut oil (liquefy first)
5. Spread cilantro mixture evenly over basa
6. Sprinkle with chili flakes
7. Bake for 18-20 minutes uncovered, or until fish is lightly browned
8. Flip fish over and repeat steps 5 & 6
9. Return to oven, baking for 8-10 minutes, or until basa is lightly browned and flakes easily with a fork
10. Serve with slice of lemon and additional sprinkle of chili flakes alongside pan-sauteed butternut squash and carrots, as well as mixed greens (to balance nutrients, natch!)
11. OMNOMNOMATHON!

Easy, delicious, and rather budget-friendly; basa and I are good friends these days, and you really have to try to screw this up. My kind of recipe(s)!

Happy nomming!

Wallace, out

 

Chili Turkey Stir-Fry & Sauteed Cabbage

I’m not the biggest turkey fan in the world (I know, I know–it’s a texture thing), but when Sobey’s has 4 pounds of ground lean turkey for 8$, what’s a girl to do (answer: buy the turkey, figure the rest out later)? So there I was, trying to figure out what the hell I was going to chef up, when it hit me–I pretty much like anything spicy, I had a bunch of veggies that needed to be eaten, and a major hankering for chili (which, due to the beans involved, is unfortunately not a Whole9-approved dish); and presto, this delish and easy dinner was born.

What you’ll need to feed 4 hungry omnomnomivores and have leftovers:
-1/2 head of cabbage, chopped
-1.5 pounds of extra lean ground turkey
-1 onion, sliced
-4 cloves of garlic, minced
-6 carrots, chopped
-1/2 bag of frozen veggies (I used green beans, nomnom)
-Any other leftover veg that you might have sitting around that needs to be eaten, chopped (bell peppers, mushrooms, spinach, broccoli and cauliflower all work exceptionally well)
-1 can black olives, pitted and drained and chopped
-2 TBSP of your favorite paleo-friendly cooking oil (I use cold expeller pressed coconut oil)
-Chili powder, to taste
-Chili flakes, to taste
-Cayenne pepper, to taste
-Garlic powder, to taste
-Sriracha sauce, to taste
-Optional: diced jalepenos, to taste
-Extra virgin olive oil

To prepare this nomtastic dish, you’ll need to:
1. Heat 1/2 TBSP of the paleo-approved oil in a deep skillet over medium heat, and add the minced garlic. Allow to sizzle for a few moments, until the yummy smell of heated garlic begins to come through. Add the cabbage and a few tablespoons of water, stir well and cover. (note: make sure that you check on this every 5 or so minutes, if it’s beginning to stick add a little more water and stir. It should reduce in volume somewhat and get semi-translucent and soft. Remove from heat when it reaches your preferred done-ness.)
2. In a large skillet (or wok), heat the rest of the cooking oil over medium until it glistens, then add the onion. Sprinkle some salt over the onion to help it sweat, then fry until the onions begin to become translucent.
3. Add the ground turkey and cook until no longer pink
4. Add the carrots (plus whatever other fresh veggies), frozen veg and black olives, stir well and allow to sizzle for 2-3 minutes
5. Season with chili powder, chili flakes, garlic powder, sriracha, and jalepenos, and stir well
6. Turn the heat up to high for 2-3 minutes, to brown turkey slightly
7. Remove from heat and allow to sit for 5 minutes, to allow sauce to thicken
8. Dish out cabbage and drizzle with EVOO, top with turkey mixture

OMNOMNOMATHON!

Spicy and meat-y and easy! Three of my favorite things 🙂

OMNOMNOMATHON!

Happy nomming!

Wallace, out.

Lemon Pepper Haddock Filets

Happy Zombie Jeebus day, everyone! I hope that you’re taking the time to enjoy the ones you love, even if (like me) you don’t commemorate the holiday 🙂

I’ve got a nice and easy fish recipe for ya today, this one is 100% paleo/Whole9/Whole30 approved, so if you’re trying to find something nomnomtasty that won’t blow your plan, takes minimal effort and is really, really hard to screw up, this one’s for you!

What you’ll need to feed 2 hungry omnomnomivores (and have leftovers for the next day):
–4 haddock filets (I got mine frozen and thawed overnight, they’re cheaper if you buy them frozen and I find they cook better thawed) – brownie points if you buy sustainably sourced fish!
-4 TBSP (ish) of your favorite paleo-approved cooking oil (I used expeller pressed coconut oil (warm in microwave to liquefy), but don’t recommend olive oil here, it has a smoke point of 325°, and we dislike setting off the fire alarms in the Casa di Wallace)
-1 lemon
-Salt (I like sea salt, but normal table salt is fine too)
-Black pepper
-Cayenne pepper (if you like your food a bit hotter)

so easy–5 minutes of prep time and you’re ready to go!

And all you have to do is:
1. Preheat oven to 375°
2. Cover 2 baking sheets in tinfoil
3. Arrange fish on baking sheets
4. Drizzle each filet with cooking oil (I usually give each one a little rubdown to coat the top sides somewhat evenly)
5. Sprinkle with salt and pepper
6. Place 1-2 lemon slices on each piece of fish
7. Pop in hot oven for 16-20 minutes, uncovered, or until lightly browned

OMNOMNOMATHON.

 

yum yum yum!

I served mine with steamed green beans, wax beans, and baby carrots; seasoned with salt, pepper, and a drizzle of EVOO.

Happy nomming!

Wallace, out.

Coconut Milk “Not-Ice-Cream”

Happy hump day, readers!

If your sugar dragon is knocking, I have just the recipe for you today. I’ve whipped this beauty up a couple of times now, and it’s just the thing to kill the ice-cream cravings in a paleo-friendly and totally omnomnom sort of way. I (like all other women in the universe) love ice cream; however, I don’t love what dairy does to my body. The inflammatory effects are marked and I can certainly feel them in my arthritic little fingers when I overindulge in milk, cheese, and yogurt. So, once again, I’d like to thank Jeebus for coconut milk.

Cold, creamy, paleo yummies. *drooool* (this batch was blueberry/raspberry)

The added benefit here is the fact that my recipes for this are both cheap (we like pinching pennies here at EIB..let’s just say I’m a frugal kind of person) and full of antioxidants (from the berries, seriously, berries = superfood, and they’re freakin delicious) and healthy fat (from the coconut milk, make sure you find a brand that uses nothing but the good stuff. You’d be amazed at how many brands toss in soy lechitin and added sugars; look for words you can’t pronounce ending in–ose), and the recipe I use makes up enough to have about 8-10 servings ready to go in the freezer.

Here’s what you’ll need for one big ol’ batch of Not-Ice-Cream:
-2 cans of coconut milk
-1 bag of frozen fruit of your choice (my 2 favorite combinations so far have been half a bag of raspberries and half a bag of blueberries (photo above); and 1/3 bag mangoes, 1/3 bag strawberries, 1/3 bag blackberries (photo below)
-2 bananas, mashed
-Blender (I had great success with an immersion blender…out of the necessity factor)

And here’s what you’ll want to do:
1. Combine all ingredients in blender
2. Pulse until totally smooth
3. Put into airtight container(s) and freeze for a minimum of 4 hours, or until solid
4. Serve and enjoy (note: if you’re keeping this frozen for a while, take it out of the freezer about 30 minutes prior to serving for better scoopability)

Yup. It’s that easy.

Easy, sweet (but not tooooo sweet), and awesomely full of goodness. (This batch mango, strawberry, blackberry)

Go forth and make not-ice-cream!

Happy nomming!

Wallace, out.

Steak & Veggie Stir-Fry, Quinoa and Field Greens

Hello blogosphere!

I am back with more foodie-happiness. Before I get into the meat (hah, punny) of the post, I just wanted to say thanks for the positive feedback on the first two recipes I’ve posted–in fact, I’m pretty stoked on the metrics the past few days, and you can consider the omnomnomivores section a mainstay on the EIBblog from here on out. 🙂

I was feeling inspired yesterday after a kickass kikboxing circuit and a nice jaunt with Visa–I was HUNGRAYYY and craving something meaty and spicy and crunchy–y’know, those days where you’re famished, kind of know what you actually wanbt, but can’t put a finger on it? Yeah. So without expecting too much from my cooking last night, I threw together a really tasty meal that I’ll outline for ya below. Yes, I realize quinoa isn’t on the strict paleo/whole9 plan. I like it, it’s tasty and high in protein, and overall a better choice than white rice; if you’re concerned about it, omit the quinoa and add another cup of lettuce and spinach. The stirfry is yummy on salad too!

What You’ll Need to Feed 2 Hungry Omnomnomivores:
–1/2 cup dry quinoa
-1 cup water
-1 tbsp paleo-friendly cooking oil (I use expeller pressed coconut oil. nomnom)
-1 package lean, thinly sliced stir-fry beef
-1 large parsnip, peeled and chopped into bite sized chunks
-8 white button mushrooms, washed and chopped
-1/2 bag of frozen stir-fry veggie mix (I like Green Giant Japanese mix)
-1/2 of a large white onion, finely chopped
-8 cloves of garlic, peeled and minced
-2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
-3/4 tbsp  dijon mustard
-1 1/2 tbsp hot sauce of your choosing
-1/2 tbsp soy sauce (or aminos, if you’re on a W30)
-1/2 tsp worcestershire sauce (omit if strict paleo)
-2 cups of field greens (I like the prepackaged President’s Choice field green mix, Superstore rocks)
-1 cup baby spinach
-Cayenne pepper (to taste)
-Oregano (to taste)
-Sea salt (to taste)
-Black pepper (to taste)
-1 tbsp honey (omit it if you’re strict paleo)

And here’s what you’ll need to do:
1. At least an hour prior to dinner, combine EVOO, dijon, hot sauce, soy sauce/aminos, worcestershire, garlic,  cayenne, oregano, and black pepper to create a tasty, tasty marinade. Put the meat in its yummy bath, cover, and refrigerate.
2. In a medium sized saucepan, combine quinoa and water and bring to a boil. Lower heat to minimum, cover, and allow to simmer for 15 minutes, you’ll know that it’s done when all the liquid had been absorbed and the quinoa is translucent and fluffy.
Note: Vega made us delicious coconut quinoa this evening; the only difference was that he used coconut milk instead of water and it turned out fantastic. Highly recommended.
3. In a large skillet, melt your cooking fat over medium high heat until it glistens. Add onions and a pinch of salt (onions are hydrophilic, and the addition of salt at this stage allows them to sweat and cook down a little faster)
4. When the onions are beginning to become translucent, add the mushrooms and parsnips, sautée over medium heat
5. When the mushrooms are lightly browned and the parsnips are starting to soften, add the beef and the marinade. Get it alllllll in there, use a spatula. Fry until meat is browned on both sides
6. Add the frozen veggie mix and stir well (cold veg in stir fry = yuck), cook for another 3-4 minutes or until the veg is just about cooked to your liking
7. Lower the heat to, well, low; and then stir in the honey. Allow to cook over low for another 3-4 minutes to allow the sauce to thicken and to finish cooking up the veggies
8. On large dinner plates, dole out 1 cup of field greens and 1/2 cup of the baby spinach each. Dress with a drizzle of EVOO and balsamic vinegar
9. Fluff the quinoa with a fork and dole out accordingly
10. Top quinoa with stir-fried beef

OMNOMNOMATHON.

So. Freakin’. Tasty.

Really, I was surprised by how well this one turned out. I wanted meat-y and spicy and hearty…and I got that in spades. Vega seemed to really enjoy it too, and even Visa nommed some pretty happily (there may or may not have been a mishap which involved attempting to cut a strip of beef with a fork and having a good amount end up in the couch/on the floor…luckily, this is a recipe that makes a lot of food), so I’m calling this one not only a win but a mainstay.

As I mentioned previously, I’m not rocking a strict paleo diet right now (hence the cerial grains), but if you’re omitting the quinoa fear NOT; this one is equally yummy on the salad, and you can omit the dressing if you’re serving it up that way.

Happy nomming!

Wallace, out.

Bacon, Mushroom, Spinach & Onion Scramble with Sweet Potato Hashbrowns

Hello readers!

I love breakfast food. Like seriously love it. I don’t typically lean towards the bready sweets for brekky (think French toast or pancakes, I do dig waffles sometimes but that’s a few and far between craving for me), which works well on a Paleo-friendly diet since (for the most part) they’re out anyways.

Which is where this little beauty comes in:

OMNOMNOM.

Scrambled eggs and hash browns. Can a girl go wrong? I think NOT. Admit it, your mouth is totally watering right now. This is my Paleo-friendly modification (sub yams for white potatoes), and it’s something that I make a lot. So without further ado,

This is what you’ll need (to serve one hungry omnomnomivore):
– 1/2 of a large sweet potato, peeled and chopped into small cubes
-2  (or more, depends on your appetite!) large eggs (preferably omega 3 enriched, organic free-run; however, any fresh eggs will do)
-1/4 sweet yellow onion (any kind will do but the mayan sweet yellows are amazing)
-2 strips of bacon, chopped up (go to a butcher or make sure this isn’t sugar and nitrite and carageenan infused bacon if you’re strict Paleo)
-4-6 white button mushrooms, chopped up
-1 handful of spinach, chopped up
-Paleo-friendly cooking oil (I like expeller pressed coconut oil)
-Salt, pepper, and hot sauce to taste

This is what you’ll need to do:
1. In a non-stick skillet over medium heat, melt enough cooking oil (1/2 of a TBSP should be plenty, adjust to the amount of sweet potato you’re cheffing) until it glimmers
2. Toss in sweet potatoes and stir to coat with oil
3. Add seasonings of your choice–I use salt, pepper, oregano, garlic powder and cayenne; however, if you want something sweeter toss in some cinnamon, it’s amazing with yams
3½. In a bowl, whisk eggs until the yolks are well-beaten, then stir in veggies and set aside for a few minutes while the hash browns cook
4. Allow to pan-fry until the smallest cubes are nice and dark, close to burnt (about 8-10 minutes, depends heavily on the stovetop you’re using. Make sure you watch these close, the difference between nicely fried and blackened mess is literally minutes with yams.)
5. Put on plate and try not to devour in the meantime
6. Using the same skillet over medium heat (we believe in minimal dishes in the Mia-sphere), heat about 1/4 TBSP of oil until it glistens, and add egg mixture
7. Scramble eggs to your preferred done-ness (I usually go by the bacon here–I like mine on the not-crispy side for this recipe)
8. Put on plate
9. OMNOMNOMATHON

Seriously tempted to go make this. Right now.
As you can see, I like my hash on the black-er side and a drizzle of Franks on thje eggs = win.

This meal takes all of 15 minutes to make, and I’ver eaten it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sometimes all in the same day.

Go forth and consume delectables!

Happy nomming!

Wallace, out.