“And then, I remember to relax, and let it flow through me like rain. And all I feel is gratitude for every minute of my stupid little life “

Howdy, blogosphere.
Y’all miss me yet? I’ve missed you, and I apologize for my extended absence. Life has been bloody crazy lately, so I’ve been too busy living to sit down and write about everything. Truth be told, I’m still in the thick of it (actually, I’m in the motherfucking deep end of the proverbial pool without my water wings, bit hey, I don’t seem to be drowning. Yet.), but I figured I deserved a coffee and blog break on a rainy, more than kind of busy Friday afternoon. It’s all about taking the time to enjoy the little things. The past week has certainly proved me the veritable truth of that sentiment.

I wish I were in a position to be able to tell you guys everything that’s happening right now, all the crazy stories of the past 8-or-so days that you probably wouldn’t believe anyways…but the thing is, I can’t. I have too much hanging in the balance, too many things on the go, too much to hang on to and too much to lose to put it all at risk.

I’m starting to understand why Vega could not wrap his simple little mind around my past-the things I consider normal, everyday challenges and occurrences would rock his world and break his brain. I’m also starting to understand why I felt so viscerally wrong with his grandmother’s ring on my finger, why my gut was always in a knot when I tried to imagine myself as his wife. Four letter word du jour – a three way tie between ring, wife, and Vega. Irony is, of course, present and accounted for – Vega’s real name is a four letter word, too. I digress.

I’m taking my 2nd coffee break now, 9:11 in the evening but my work has barely even begun. Again, I can’t say much and it is frustrating and not really helping my mood but hey.
Ride or die old lady life ain’t easy.
That’s why I love it. That and the sexy, brilliant man I get to spend the majority of my time with.

Most of the girls that I know are starting to dream of kids and houses and white weddings – which I wholeheartedly support, so long as it makes them happy. This is my equivalent, although it is entirely a different ballgame. I feel like I was born on Mars sometimes, but I’ve also learned that its okay. Really.
To paraphrase my mother, what would become of green if everyone liked purple?

Anyways. I need to get my poop in a group, put Marcellus to bed, and get my shit going.
True to form, I’m still a night owl.

More when I can.
For now, just send good juju and lots of love our way. That’s really all I can ask for in the world.

I’m a lucky, lucky woman.

Wallace, out.

War Wounds & Battle Scars

What’s good, blogosphere?

Happy Monday to y’all! Hope you all had great weeks and that life is treating you right. Can’t believe we are in to August already – a couple more weeks and Marcellus, myself and a couple of friends will be beautiful island road trip bound – stoked! For now, its all finding a job and getting settled in a new routine.

Ended up getting wicked sick last weekend-a blemish on my chin decided to get infected, so I got to spend the weekend hooked up to an IV pump in bed. Gotta say, I had the best possible nurse though-Marcellus took great care of me, and save for a course of antibiotics and a bandage on my chin, I’m kicking and screaming with the best
of them. No fun, but I’m happy I didn’t self implode while we hit the road.

Other than that? Life has been quiet, nice. I’ve hopefully got a job lined up at a pub, which is a huge relief. I’m hoping to have a nice little surprise date night this evening and thank my man for nursing me back to the land of the living. I’m trying my hand at being good at Kijiji and getting through the laundry.

Super exciting, not quite; however, I’ve had enough excitement for August.

Laundry needs to be switched. More in a bit!

Wallace, out.

Pinch me, I must be dreaming

Howdy blogoverse, happy Wednesday morning to you all. I hope you’ve all been behaving, y’know, not doing anything I wouldn’t do. That leaves you with a wiiiiide window of opportunity.

Anyways, just a quick dispatch from the Miaverse this morning. Despite a somewhat insane week, this morning I write to you from my very own variant of Paradise-cosy in bed next to Marcellus, double double in hand (cigarette too), random Netflix score playing. We have been taking it easy and laying low the past couple of days, reveling in the security of each others company and love. Vegas been immature, as has Marcellus’ ex, which has provided us both with plenty of laughter. Mother Wallace is up to her old shenanigans (less entertaining, but I’m learning to laugh about it as time goes by), and I’ve been deemed the plus one for a wedding in a few weeks. All in all, its actually been a relatively quiet week as far as gossip goes; and I can only hope that perhaps the peanut gallery is growing tired of their own jokes.

All I know for sure is this:
1. There is a man to my right who I love and who loves me back.
2. We’ve been cuddling naked in bed for almost 13 straight hours. I say almost because we got up to get coffee half an hour ago, and that only ever makes life better.
3. I’m not going anywhere. And though I have no real need to provide proof of this, the events of the past week in addition to the fact that we’re rethinking the floor plan of the entire house and the additional facts that we keep not only showing each other off but thoroughly enjoying it (and watching our respective exes squirm) should suffice
4. I haven’t smiled, laughed, relaxed, or been this loved in…ever.
5. Okay, sue me – some of the rumors about me are just hilarious.

Anywhore, its about time I resume snuggling with the aforementioned handsome dude who’s somewhat impatiently awaiting me… Hehehe

Mad decent.

For now,
Wallace, out.

Don’t be such a square (one)

Just a brief update this evening.
Vega FINALLY made good on his promise. My things are all finally, actually back in my possession.

I’m exhausted, and grateful, and so ready to sleep. What a weird ride.

Time to shut the book on this hellish chapter and begin again, anew.

For now, Wallace out to relax, refresh, regenerate, and begin anew.

All I need in this life of sin is me and my boyfriend…

Yeah, yeah. That’s an old Hova reference. Y’all know I like my hip hop the same way I like my men – old school and grimy.

Anyways. How’ve ya been, blogoverse? Hope the world has been treating you right and your weekends were fantastic. It’s been a relatively quiet week in the miasphere – a couple of road trips with Marcellus, including one that resulted in a brand new sexy as hell motorcycle, followed by a really fun (not) couple of days cooped up on bedrest (Marcellus’ request) with the cold from hell and a very sore rib. Don’t fret though, darlings-I’m back to my usual fabulous self, thanks to lots of orange juice, sleep, and Marcellus being patient through fever dreams and pained yelps.

Anywhore. As it stands it is very late Sunday evening/very early Monday morning, depending on your perspective. Everything in this life we live depends on perspective, and I have found that a sadly huge number of people ironically manage to lose sight of that fact. Marcellus and I are lazing in bed watching Orange is the New Black with the dogs keeping our feet (okay, legs. They’re big dogs.) warm and a couple smokes lit to wind ourselves down. It was a busy but fun day for us, full of visits with old friends I honestly never thought I’d see again and enjoying the absolutely gorgeous Alberta summer sun. All this in between putting in werk, son, has us tired and looking forward to tomorrow. Up with the sun and to sleep with it, too – that’s the life I love and live.

Tomorrow we get to hit up not now but two of my favourite road trips – first, to the mountains in the morning (YAY!), and then to LA to see some people and probably dinner at an old favourite haunt. I’m not sure that we’ll stick around for the night but it’s always a possibility when we head down that way. All I’ve got to say is that I’ve gotten drunk all over the world at this point, but Bran Van 3000 could not have got it better when they said that there is nothing quite like drinking in LA – and they certainly weren’t referring to Los Angeles. I should get my poop in a group and start writing some of my stories from the glory days for your consumption – I started last time we were down, but then I got distracted by sleep. I’ll work on it. Eventually. I promise.

Also exciting but not in a typical Mia kind of way was the tiny but HUGE moment that transpired about 5:20 yesterday morning. I was all groggy from Benelyn and Buckleys and coughing and such, but I rolled over to Marcellus, who was already awake and playing with my hair (aww). We laid there for a little bit in a comfortable silence (seriously, Pulp Fiction taught me all I need to know about life) before he blindsided me with
“You know I really love you, right?”
Inside, I was squealing like a 16 year old at a Macklemore concert. What I managed to choke out was a super eloquent
“W-w-w-what?”
Which was followed by another,
“I love you. A lot.”
And some really, really good morning sex.
I know I sound like a stupid girlygirl but try to understand me here, readers. I’ve been madly in love with my best friend Marcellus for over half a decade. I never ever once thought I’d be his old lady…and here I am. I’ve heard it all from the peanut gallery at this point – but what they don’t know is that I never once chased him. He chased me – because he wants me too. And here we are. It’s serendipitous and beautiful and delicious and overwhelming and I feel like I am on fire and alive and untouchable.

It’s all been worth it. I’ve been through hell and back and damnit – I win, motherfuckers.

On that note, it’s time for this girl to cuddle up to her man and get a little rest before we take over the world again tomorrow 😉

For now,
Wallace, out.

It’s Going To Be A Good Year

Happy Thursday, blogosphere!
It’s a gorgeous day here – 31 degrees and not a cloud in the sky, just the way I like it.

Soooo, it’s official. I made it to 24 and I have to say, I’m aging like a fine wine 😉 haha, seriously though, it feels good to be starting another year. Clean slate and all that. It was a low-key birthday at home with Marcellus and the rest of the crew, which was just perfect. Slept in, went for a drink, installed an air conditioner in the bedroom (okay fine – Marcellus installed it, I provided moral support), watched half of Anchorman 2, and slept like a champion.

Got up this morning about 8, smoked one and fell right back asleep until just after noon. Got all dolled up (okay okay, put clothes on and brushed my hair. I’m a simple girl.) and now it’s time to do what we do every day and take over the world. Vega is going to be shipping me my things this week (so so so excited about having my wardrobe back), and I’m so stoked on closing up that chapter of my life. Seriously, he did break my heart…for all of a week, before I managed to open up my big brown eyes, take a look around me, and see the magnitude of the favour he unwittingly did for me. Marrying Vega would have been the most naïve and selfish thing I ever could have done; and I would have been doing it for all the wrong reasons – he loved the idea of me, but the real thing freaked him out. He worries about becoming another one of my “stories,” but I realized when I was telling Marcellus about him that he’s honestly just not interesting enough. I’m choosing to look at my time with him and with Sunshine prior as an extended break from my reality. Hiatus over. The bitch is back.

Now, I’ve had a few questions about who this Marcellus cat is. Back in the day, I met Marcellus through the Kung Fu Panda. KFP and Marcellus were best friends, me and Marcellus have an awkward but solid frendship based on brutal truths and sexual tension (his ex hates me to this day, scouts honour nothing came to pass between us until my recent and glorious return home). He’s never once fucked me over, and when I called him to get me the fuck out of dodge, in true Marcellus style, he was there in less than 15 minutes with a smile on his face. No, we aren’t dating. We are best friends and business partners. We’ll see where that goes, but the moral of the story is that two people as dashing, brilliant and good looking as the two of us shouldn’t be lonely. So we aren’t. End of story.

Anywhore, I’ve got some stuff to do, so for now,

Wallace, out.

There’s a reason why Mia ain’t Mrs. Vega..

Howdy, blogosphere. Before I begin, if you have any real beef with me and don’t actually want to know what I have to say, feel free to fuck off. You’ve been warned.

Okay. So. I’ve been TWBITW, and for that, I apologize. Life has been happening in true Tarantino fashion…but really, at this point, could y’all expect any less from me? I’d been awaiting the next shit show, but this one has a happy ending. I promise. Ms. Wallace is back with a vengeance.

Vega and I are no more. I was choked for a few days, then realized that he did me a favour. I don’t want to get into details right now, but I’ll elaborate soon. Right now I just wanna catch up. Anyways. He couldn’t handle me at my worst, and has proven unworthy of me at my best. I’m back with Marcellus, back in my seat at the table of the kings. That was mistake número uno: never ever date someone who doesn’t understand your paradigm. Anyways. Marcellus and I had a good laugh and some dirty sex, and now we are back with a vengeance to take over the world.

Everything’s in its right place, and I am so relieved.

More from me when the dust settles, folks.

Wallace (NOT VEGA) out.

Hate me with a passion or love me to death, I won’t settle for less.

What’s good, blogosphere? TWBITW is back, and today I’m writing to y’all from the bus while we are stuck in traffic.

I’ve got the next two days off work to attend a social media conference here in YYJ, and it let out early today. So I’m on my way home to suntan and write and enjoy the fact that it’s 27 degrees outside right now.

I don’t have too much longer to kill here, but I did want to thank you all for the surge in views this month. I can’t believe we cracked 21,000+ views last month! Thank you. All of you. So so very much.

I’m off for now – but I’ll fill you in on life soon.

Wallace, out.

Going a million miles a minute standing still

Hey blogosphere. How ya been today? Hope Monday hasn’t been too tedious for you.

Monday. My “Sunday,” my day of rest and errands. Supposedly. From now on Monday will be marked by psychologist appointments and “deep healing,” as he put it half an hour ago.

Today started with blood work and an ECG, followed by some Chapters retail therapy (I got myself a gorgeous new journal, ordered “Men, Women and Children” by Kultgen, and picked up “the Fault In Our Stars,” and “The Perks of Being a Wallflower.” Then I had a latte and indulged in some people watching. It was a nice reprieve from my own mind.

I also had my first appointment with my new shrink. A small personal victory, walking through those doors. I bawled my way through the 45 minute initial consult, and had some of my fears confirmed and some of them lifted. Basically, I have a long way to go before I feel whole again…but I CAN get there. I guess it’s just gonna have to get a little worse before it gets any better. Such is life.

Now? I’m on the 14 heading home, sitting on the top of a double decker city bus doing everything I can to ignore the idiotic drunk motherfuckers trying to get me to take my headphones out and indulge their sad little egos. Sorry assholes, I don’t have the necessary self restraint to indulge your conversation without beating the living piss out of the three of you. And didn’t anybody ever tell you that women hate being called “baby doll”? I can’t even…

Closer to home. This is a reprieve in and of itself. I just want to put some shorts on and go write my heart out on the dock. It’s another beautiful day here. It’s another exercise in being present. It’s another chance to face the demons under my bed instead of hiding under the covers. It’s another day.

New musical obsession du jour – “shut the light,” swollen members. Highly recommended.

Anywhore, I’m gonna leave this here and enjoy the woozy Xanax happy place my head is finally falling back into.

For now,
Wallace – out.

I’m a sidewinder, I’m a California king. I swear it’s everywhere – it’s everything.

What’s going on, blogosphere? Did you have a relaxing Sunday?

My day started out at noon with Vega waking me up out of a nightmare ridden sleep and welcoming me back to reality after awaking with anxiety and terror and whatever. It’s becoming normal, this aversion to being awake. It’s all very confusing and I very much dislike it, but it seems marginally better than adding insomnia to my laundry list of issues right now.

After a couple buzzfeed articles and some coffee, I managed to be coerced into getting ready for the day. It’s absolutely gorgeous here today, about 15 degrees and sunny. We went for a walk to the grocery store and took the long way there. I’m trying this thing that Spinny asked me to try, this being present in the moment instead of immediately giving into being terrified. So I lost myself in the warmth of the sunshine, the sweet smell of flowers and trees budding and blooming and the sound of the birds in the trees overhead, the deep boom of Vega’s voice, the way the smoke from my cigarette danced through the air.
For a few moments, I was really there, in the moment, and it was the happiest I have felt in weeks.

The past few days have been mostly a haze. Lots of crying and lots of sleeping with some Radiohead interspersed. I am finally going to see my new shrink tomorrow morning, following some blood work and banking. I’m equal parts terrified and hopeful. Terrified that something is way way way more wrong than initially presumed, and hopeful that this will be the first of many small but necessary steps towards healing. Until then, I’m going to enjoy my last pre fasting meal (Vega’s making me yummy pesto pasta) and take my meds and try to stay present so I don’t get sucked into the vacuum that is my fear of the past.

I just want to start feeling better.

I burned some of the things I never said today. I rid myself of all of the drafts of the letter I sent a week ago. I felt less relief than I’d hoped for but I enjoyed it more than I thought I would..so that’s a win I suppose. I need all the symbolic cleansing nonsense I can get my hands on right now.

Thom Yorke’s voice makes my soul happy. “The Bends” will always and forever be the soundtrack to my depression – here’s lookin’ at you, eighth grade! Seriously though, “High and Dry” is just hitting me in all the feels right now. Sigh.

I need to stop thinking about therapy. It’s really making me anxious. So I’m just gonna leave this here and go play angry birds.

For now,
Wallace, out.