Hey blogosphere.
It is 11:52 pm and I just woke up absolutely terrified. I must have passed out, but I have absolutely no memory of doing so. Vega was beside me, deeply sleeping and visa was snuggled up on my feet, so luckily that calmed me down a little bit.
I’m still freaking out though. My heart will not stop pounding double time into overdrive.
Only one panic attack today. I guess it’s a good thing but it was the worst one yet. I have so many appointments in the next few days. Analyzing my blood and brain to medicate me into a safer place.
I finally feel my heart slowing. I’m snuggled right up to vega and he’s so warm and strong and safe. I feel my anxiety melt away when he’s next to me. That’s the crux of it all – the fear is overwhelming.
I’m afraid of everything.
All the time.
Do you have any idea how painfully, deeply exhausted I am?
My mind is racing tonight. I have a headache. The Advil is too far away to go and get though. It’s warm in bed. Don’t want to go to the kitchen. I want to fall asleep but my mind is too noisy. Maybe I’ll watch netflix on my phone. But then I’d have to download the app and remember the password. Too much work.
Seriously though. I’d love to just be able to close my eyes and resume that blackout but I can’t. I’m in insomnias hands now and I have a feeling that it is going to be a long night.
But I’m tired of my own thoughts so I’m gonna go read something.
For now,
Wallace out
|Eloquence is Bliss| 