Hello, blogoverse.
How were your Mondays? Mine was mostly uneventful – I got to sleep sometime around 6:15 in the morning (insomnia is kicking my ass lately), and Vega let me sleep until 2:30 in the afternoon, at which point Visa commenced puppy snugglings and I was roused from my (rather fitful) slumber. From there, I made myself some tea, put a pot of beans on the stove for dinner, and took a shower. Vega was finished work shortly after that, and we noshed while watching Orange is the New Black. Other than that? I got some art done, we had some hot cocoa (almond milk, natch), and watched the X-Files. Lazy day, which was necessary and appreciated.
Tomorrow (well, today) I have my final interview for the job I’m salivating like one of Pavlov’s dogs over. It’s just me and another candidate at this point, and I have to admit that I am a nervous lady right about now. I have the outfit all picked out (pink pencil skirt, white tank top with a slate cardigan over, black knee-high boots and my trusty leather jacket for good luck) and I know that I’m the best choice for the job…but I really don’t want to get my wee hopes up until I get the final callback. All that in mind, if you’ve got some spare good vibes to send my way, they’d be appreciated greatly. If all goes well, I’ll be sitting at that desk by Thursday morning.
As of this very moment, I’m cuddled up on the couch with the heater on and Visa at my side for warmth and snuggly-puppy-goodness. I’m writing mostly to unwind and try to get to bed soon here, there’s too much happening in my brain for me to lay down and rest right now. I feel almost bad for the “pointless” posts that have been the majority of my writing lately; but, as Spinnaker pointed out to me the other day, any and all writing I do right now is actively putting me closer to finishing my book. I don’t want to let myself get too amped on the prospect of my novel (because if I do, I’ll stay up all night writing), but it’s moved from the back burner of my mind to sizzling away at the forefront. I am planning a little writing date with myself after my interview, and I think I might start posting some of my edited freewriting here. Anyways, I was going to say that reading both Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half and Piper Kerman’s Orange is the New Black, I feel a renewed and powerful sense of faith and inspiration in my own story and the conquest of making it into a published tome. I love that conversational and frank memoirs are coming to the forefront of the literary world – maybe there is a hope in hell of my dreams of subsisting off of my ramblings… But, chickens and eggs. I have to write the damn thing first.
I’m also sipping on some chamomile and feeling inexplicably peaceful overall at the moment. There’s still a lot of messiness to me – I mean, I’m less than a year out of recovery, just over a year dealing with PTSD, and that’s just the tippy top of my mental iceberg. Most of the time I walk around feeling incredibly guilty, in particular when it comes to Vega. He’s so spectacular that words truly fail me when I try to find the right ones to describe him, and I feel like baggage a lot of the time. On the flip side, there are these moments (like right now) when it’s all so crystal clear and simple to me – I might be baggage, but he picked me up off the proverbial luggage claim, and I’m his because he wants me to be. It’s such a basic concept that I’m certain is painfully obvious to everyone else in the world; however, to me, it’s a lot to reconcile. I feel lucky and harmonious and peaceful, which is something I thought I’d lost for a long time. It’s reassuring and exhilarating to have it become more and more frequent, more ever-present, in my life once again. Life is good. My life is good. And Vega and I? Our life is idyllic.
Ughhhhh I’m so antsy and nervous and jittery about this interview…Hopefully my brains and my smile will make a fanfuckingtastic first impression. It’s such a crappy human condition to lose the ability to relax when we’re anxious about something. Of course I’m aware that being well-rested is a good thing the day of an interview, but here I am, wide awake and fighting nature. We’re badly engineered beasts, us humans.
Anywhore, if I have a hope in hell of getting to sleep in the next hour, I’d better put some background Netflix on and read my book for a while. I’ll post some real writing tomorrow after my interview and my errands are done.
For now,
NERVOUS Wallace, out.
|Eloquence is Bliss| 